16 december
we don’t want to let you down , ofcourse
but don’t know what to say anymore
having so , so hoped
yet now day in day out only this painful mourning in so shameful situation
not even having courage  to plead anymore because of this silence
while we’re still  in danger — all of us : but for a number of us it is urgent
      endlessly and fruitlessly pondering what we can have overlooked
      or have misunderstood
      even considering options as ‘perhaps we must also feel what Jacob will’ 
      [when so many will stay behind]   : is it strange that these options come to mind
      when we are not told nor helped what  the problem then may be … ?
how horrible , this situation … how utterly horrible