2 november
the self destruction is going very well   —
soon and she will never again have to bear the endless Banalities of every 
fkn new endless day , her neverending hurt of slowly drowning in this sewer 
               any soul can only take so much rejections and disappointments ,
               the neverending waitings , the trying to present herself somewhat
               while hopelessly enclosed in this dirty fckn ape ,
daily crushing herself against that massive iron wall of silence called ‘her deity’,
who must be the cruelest being of all realities save for the fact that the kindness
he once showed her was the sweetest of all ; it would be more easy for her 
to just be angry but this is tearing her apart 
        with all respect for other souls it feels like his elite troops are falling in action
        and nothing – nothing – indicates that he seems to care ; we have been dropped
        in the most forward position but never get any help while all our ammunition
        has run out for , what , months now ; holding on until-go-more , 
        what selfrespecting deity would leave us abandoned in that position    ??
and IF ,
by unimaginable miracle , finally – finally – the cavalry would appear ,
do we have to be ashamed for all eternity ’cause we did not trust enough’ ..?



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1 november 22
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3 november 22