20 november
perhaps it’s best to stop complaining now , right :
it is useless talking to a stone – anyway never in a million years it will respond ;
we best start walking again – tomorrow
        that same endless desert where the last drop of water was already used
        a hundred miles ago ; that neverending goddamn desert and yes that is
        on purpose turning us into a bunch of ridiculous Fools endlessly hobbling
        to a fata morgana in the far distance , 
        it would have been more merciful to have taken Esau’s Clot Shot and die
        like the 46,000 + others and be done with it instead of having to pull oneself
        together again for the umpth fucking thousandandone time to continue walking
        this cursed nomansland to reach a deity whose favorite sport is To Stay Silent
the elite troops perishing in the desert … yes you heard that right – THIS was asked 
of you and we and we DID learn to understand the scroll : by having learned to read 
and understand hieroglyphs and what they talked about ; had we enough time and 
energy and access we’d blow them all open ; same with Rg-Veda addressing exact 
the same themes , if we had five years to really get the feel of Sanskrit      – 
this is who you and we are yet we are perishing in this neverending desert ,
and no sound doctrine can be found anywhere on the net because every christian is 
too busy defending corrupted concepts , imprisoning us only deeper in this lousy prison
planet since they refuse to understand that the scroll has been turned into a joke by 
… you are hurting us beyond belief … instead you would be proud on us and encourage
by at least showing glimpses , in a mission which is not less as the Exodus , this time
you choose to say fcking nothing , not even old-Ishral was that deprived of anything ,
but in the culmination of everything , in the timeframe of wrapping up whole history , 
you leave us like walking dead having to walk the impossible drought

and no — ‘more understanding’ does not equal ‘more belief’ or ‘more energy’ – in fact it
is the inverse : it makes everything just the more complicated , needing more help to
can stand and process all the difficult themes
         this is no fuckin hobby like at ‘5 doves’ or ‘raptureintheair’ where nothing has changed
         since 2001 [sic] hopping from date to date , happily ‘waiting’ another 200 years
         while praying for the peace of Jerusalem
yes i’m hurt beyond belief
         these i honor – all of you who neither understand what is going on but don’t have any 
         option but to walk on , all of you who had the courage to accept the scroll , 
         my deepest respect to each of you   



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