23 may aft.
postponed fall
… it’s not nice to have to start about it again but this trap is undoable  —
you hear and see everything and you see the respect for you .
but your refusal to say anything – anything – is murdering her last breath ,
and there is no answer to the neverending question ‘why’
… many years ago you spoke , it was a thunderous hurricane , and you
teached her to listen to your words even the lines wrote opposite things ;
perhaps she hoped that you would start to speak now but horrifyingly the
opposite happened up to the point that you became unknowable and far ,
while she has shriveled down like a faded leaf not understanding anymore 
what she is nor how she can have a relation to you the deity , 
… you scare her
if you are so silent as iron you must hold a grudge against her … yet considered 
the scroll you said something else … then by tiredness she again falls in this 
apeframe and as result closes off even more from you … trying not to think 
about the possibility that you wón’t take her when you come … or the dirty work
for you to get her out of this disgusting ape
… the problem is that she needs a strategy how to hold on … but there isn’t
no plan B … while gritting the teeth belongs to the ape , not to her … 
if this hoped for timeframe neither worked out it could be months away 
while to get through every day is already an achievement
– what to do … ?
it must have a reason that you are like this to us … but what please ?



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22 may 10pm 2022
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24 may 2022