25 june
tired of having to be silent
I will tell you please ;
how souls get to you – in an illegal way or not – is not my business ,
and whether they but think they got to you is neither my business ;
all that the soul — or whatever is left of her — knows is that you are
an inaccessible fortress upon a high mountain having protected
yourself with an huge mine field surrounding it ;
… you said to her , come to visit me ,
so she crossed the minefield — all your distorted words —
but ever since , she destroys herself — or whatever is left of her —
constantly against that iron wall surrounding you
and no way out , no progress , a stalemate , day after day
… smashing herself — it has no sense to be angry on you ,
hurt because of you , silent because of you , smashing herself
— or whatever is left of her — against that wall of endless silence

she so hoped you could open the gate to your castle past December
because of the ‘3 years’ theme she found — but you refused ;
she thought she probably misunderstood and searched for a better
understanding — yet these days your gate is more solidly closed as ever ,
mocking and taunting her , letting her die of thirst outside your walls

please see how impossible this situation is
why have you made the soul — or whatever is left of her —
if her value is nothing more as an entity dying outside your doorstep ..?
whatever happened to the ‘deity and soul’ relation ?
how is it possible your gate is shut after having crossed the minefield ,
as the very thing you asked — and now be murderous towards us ?
is it because you want her to feel what you felt :
keeping on talking to an entity – souls in this case – refusing to hear ?
reaching out constantly to them but they refused to be attent to you ?
is that what this is about .. ?
hence you let her die outside your walls by refusing to speak ?

how deeply cruel is this situation … how deeply cruel …
and this burning heartache which isn’t possible cause the heart has
died long time ago .. endlessly circumventing the same impossible theme ..
— you said we are sons
and a relation of a deity with a humbled soul – of which , looking around ,
there are very few – is certainly possible : but not with a destroyed soul
… what would you want with an entity like the latter ? what’s to share ?
what to love ? – you don’t even need to make effort :
that soul will destroy itself by constantly running against your iron wall ..
so that ’the sons’ you desired will be nothing more but restored robots
executing your will not because they loved you but they had no other choice :
all because of your iron silence …

in your world and in your opinion you do see the past
and all our silly mistakes , as you said “when you were an untamed ox” ,
but then , if you guided us through that mine field – which only a tamed ox
can do – why would you destroy the ox itself .. ?
why would you have sons who are nothing but robots ? who would be the
proof that you rescued what belongs to you if it’s all destroyed ?
 
no it’s not that you are on trial here… and you know it’s not meant like that ;
I heared your voice like hundred tornados long time ago …. – it is all written
out of hurt … of not understanding what you are doing … of not understanding
why apparently even listening to you attentively and restoring what you said
results in the soul — or whatever is left of her — dying outside your walls

*crying*
well at least she made a serious run for you
didn’t she