28 november
the window is closed — facing the ravine (dream: ‘all was lost ; then …’)
| what to say … after the past days that even felt pósitive it’s total darkness again … this thing is impossible , indigestible , a neverending burden … it is not merely about “a date that did not happen” but the entire building of the scroll is starting to tremble … before the rest of the log , please , first listen to how the guy phrases the situation ; I saw the words “all is lost” and clicked the vid promptly , and he is 100% right : we are in front of the cliff and in his words : “too deep to climb and too far to jump” (it’s no accident he got this dream , posted 13 hrs ago) … |
the positive here is that , if you ever thought you were alone – this guy proves you are not ;
and the way he describes the “daily searching yet not finding nothing” is totally spot on ;
the other interesting is the “it happened after expectation got lost” : because the Fall
feasts are over , ‘Hanukkah’ is a False one , and the next set would only be in May , sic ,
yet likely not even pertaining to us —
that “it happened” in the dream is valuable because of her context — and rings true to
something of yesterday (see below) , different as the flood of other ‘rapture dreams’ which
are always the same Vague and therefore little more as yet another small plaster for a
wound that just won’t stop bleeding
part II
this “sensing His non-unwillingness” :
… this is a most difficult theme to put into words – please skip if you can’t follow —
it was also there a large part of yesterday (hence the disappointment of darkness again)
and all day I just tried to understánd this … new position – because that’s what it IS ;
the below looks awful clinical but is important :
| the relation towards God – over time – through the : | |||
| mind (Ego) | mind (Ego) | mind (Ego) | mind (Ego) |
| heart | heart | heart | heart |
| soul | soul | soul | soul |
| breath (spirit) | breath (spirit) | breath (spirit) | breath (spirit) |
now,
sure there are many combinations at work but the core of a person exists of the latter two ,
and it seems that “in the final stage” only the breath (spirit) survives — nót the soul —
and it is the breath (spirit) that senses this “not-unwillingness of Him”
…
you may think “this is overdoing it – to dissect things in extremis” : yet this is a same type
real problem to ús like the guy phrased with his “searching and not finding” ;
yes God blew breath (-spirit) into the nostrils of adm (-as soul) , and one can read that a
hundred times over yet not understand it at all — until one is confrónted with it … true ?
… perhaps the breath (spirit) can be envisioned as ‘a small tongue of fire upon the soul’ ,
much like the story in NT (and why would that comparison be improper .. ?) : but in this
case a tiny awareness , that of “communication” : it cannot ‘know’ , has no ‘insight’ ,
no ‘feelings’ , etc , but her nature is ‘to communicate’ ;
and on top of that — apparently — she can be separated from the soul …
– I’ve always held that the , rather helpless , core of us is ‘the soul’ : but I never expected
that she actually could DIE – or perhaps rephrased “in a comatose state” , yet it happened
this year (and see log a month ago ; that’s why we keep it) ; while after past week’s crash ,
it seems that “what I call ‘me’ is (only-) that small tiny flame as the breath (spirit)”
yet ,
and I realize it all looks like a gigantic play on Semantics : but the small flame it is not ‘me’ …
‘I’ realized that – for utter lack of better words – “she wants to go back to her Owner” ,
literally be in communication with Him
… and here comes in the above mentioned ‘sensing His non-unwillingness’ :
she is able to sense the majesty of Him … eventhough it’s all very dim and faraway still
the burden (-of the soul) :
… this situation includes anóther aspect : the being free of some very heavy burden ,
which – as far as detectable – must have , in some way , clung to the soul (not ‘to her’) :
and in retrospect , this burden has felt like ‘a very ancient one’ , very sticky and very heavy ,
yet because right now the breath (spirit) has no insight – see above – she can’t see whát it is
about and the only option is that He will show her
using the poor-functioning own mind : the Haggai line dóes address something like this ,
about the soul that is unclean when touching this body — but we almost got a Trauma
from the corruption of that book — yet that chapter also includes the promise
| … ofcourse right now we’re still inside this Ape , yet it feels like … some Legal tipping-point has changed ; the vid to right was posted 5 days ago (saw it 3 days ago) , someone feeling it urgent to tell about his NDE when young and I remembered his phrase “now it did not matter anymore” because it describes the very thing above (also note the “going somewhere so much bigger and better”) : |
conclusion
… though the above must indeed also be intertwined with the Cham-theme (see logs)
and we again started the ‘inner-earth’ subject — Sumeria , 1561 Nuremberg event , etc —
it is best to let that for now and first look what there’s to find about (the root-) “guilt”
because we feel that the mentioned ‘burden of the soul’ is exclusively linked to that ;
and try a final time to make sense of Haggai 1 & 2
… your Majesty … if only a fráction of what she sensed of you is true
then you must be very awesome … we promise we look what we can find ,
but please the only thing that helps is when you will get us