29 december – to you .
some logs are hard to write down .
it’s still the christmas season … day after day this half dark grey weather …
and often staring to the horizon where the the clouds mingle with the land
– while behind that far horizon is our – real – family not having invited us …
just not …
no this isn’t sentimentalism ; we’re way past that … but instead , a mixture of 
unbelief , defeat and .. an overwhelming sense of distance towards them ,  
and perhaps the latter is even the worst
– the mind nagging that they even could feel quite comfortable overthere ..
…
you were there all the way – you know that the found themes are mostly correct ,
you know about the ‘three year’ pattern and that we’re in the third now ,
yet apparently any further pinpointing is … too risky
– we know that all of you are serious … and dedicated … – several times during
the past years your prayers have opened up a way when one was untreadable ,
but in this case – mainly due to ‘corruptions’ – you and we have … lost this battle
…
yet , family , we need some timeframe to can hold on to … depleted souls simply
do not have the luxury to day in day out generate the power ‘to wait for Him’ ,
let alone those of us who have to fight secondary issues
or any other personal situation of physical malice posing a daily threat
– and considered that esau continues steamrolling his satanic blueprint ,
we really need a palpable timeframe in this war
…
therefore , plead , plead … ignore the feeling dirty – if you do ,
ignore the attacks telling you that you have no rights or that He won’t listen to you ,
ignore the distance , ignore your ape because He knows already that you want to get out ;
plead please – for all of us
.. – perhaps this got posted in one of the pages , but repeating it here because it’s actual ,
as a short but impressive vision a decade ago  —
the unusual setting was ‘in tunnels below ground’ , akin to the Korean and Vietnam war ,
and several of us soldiers in full gear were crawling slowly but steady to the goal ;
everyone was incredibly dirty and the eyes of each were reddish of exhaustion    —
then a light or ‘a knowing’ surrounded them , and this light was proud on them beyond belief ,
because they all fought in unison to reach the same noble goal

plead – or the next set of days will kill us .