3 november
this is not an option , this is hell … the soul being virtually dead , like a stone ,
laying silently upon a bier somewhere deep in that painful heart ;
her remained tiny consciousness constantly fluttering into it to sit next to her ,
pleading with her “please don’t die , I’m here” ; trying to bring her from outside
anything that has some life but all she finds is the insane Banality of this cursed world

your Majesty so numerous times she begged you to act – she knew that she needed 
Lifebreath more than anything and she tried so hard , even constantly being ashamed
before you because of this horrible ape but trusting and hoping that you would get her ;
        and you did not … Sir you did not
this is so impossible , so shattering … even this fluttering awareness is too ashamed
to look in your direction ; it is that hopeless ; neither having courage to think of any
next empty endless day – and she won’t be able to cross many more ;
        Sir , your Majesty , never we were in so need of your help as now 


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