30 june [330AM]
this is all so new and so utterly bizarre …
we saw “how he got the idea after having witnessed how Cain slew his son” , right ,
and how presumably a fallen archangel “made a proposal to work with him” in a cave
[‘the cave’ thing is unsure but the scroll does mention him ‘making a pact with them’] 
and he got from bad to worse 
but the haunting problem  is “why , at some point , he did not return to Him ?”
why not say “Sir do help because things are very screwed up by now” .. ?
[we can only assume that he did not ask this — or the fault would be partly with Him as well] 
          up to this point perhaps everything could have been forgiven , could have been restored
          – though it is unclear in what way then – 
          but things got unforgivable after he started to touch the other Originals  …
yet was this an inescapable terrible tragedy in the making ?
in the same apocryphal ‘first book of Adam and Eve’ he repeatedly committed suicide 
but to no avail – because he had life : though apocryphal it suddenly makes utter Sense 
how his mind can have been tortured , one could almost feel sorry  for his awful situation ..
– the only other information we have about that time is in book X of the pre-Hindu Rg-Veda 
[which we take as seriously as the Spells] where Eve (Yami) begs him to come to her
to resolve things but he refuses to , after which she calls him ‘fool’ 
          the point I’m trying to make is that there’s nothing worse as He not speaking to you 
          and right now we’re in a frighteningly similar situation … while we’re still trying to work out
          how things got  to this point : we did nothing else as only wanting the good …
and if anyway we’re now with this bizarre theme ,
and because we often completely forget how He  must have felt during all the events ,
perhaps the real hurt for Him was that Adam did not trust that He could resolve it all ,
and rather clinged to the power – the eden life – that was given to him as possession ,
so that He felt as being used , being abused ,
and He wanted to see what we  would do in a similar (-but incomparable) situation .. ?
do I say silly things your Majesty ?
would you then break this terrible deadlock and say something please ? 
[+ 2 hrs]
… you may say “but our situation is incomparable” —
it is ofcourse , but because we’ve restored all the words of life in so many chapters ,
Legally  we’re in the same position as him : and this is the scary part …


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