7 March
back on earth … well , kind of
much of the night spent in waiting , it was like outer space full of stars was above ;
at some point a presence came and said “I come tomorrow” — but it was not Christ ; 
and after having rejected ‘it’ , it angrily muttered then went silent
… now pondering , with heartache :
all of us are ruined for this reality here , still having to execute – but like on automate –
the daily things requesting attention .. because the huge gap between this reality
and the other one is not managable any longer : it’s either the one or the other , right
a different kind of war
unfit for this reality … – having become ’too soft’ (‘weak’, perhaps ‘old’) for many things ,
not bearing sexual themes , violence, silly chatter , physicality – be they in media or else ,
like being deeply tired from it all … – however , this also means that one’s core lacks
strength , sight , esteem , which is (speaking as one) specifically denouncing male

to stand as stripped core before God is perhaps the most difficult position of all ,
finding the balance between that fact and … ‘not wanting to be dishonourful’ :
if you have been in that position you know exactly what the above line means  
– interestingly
the line in Luke 13 , “Strive to enter in through the narrow gate” does not only have the
context of ’these very days’ – because it is linked to “gnashing of teeth” (vs 28) which is
the situation when this earth will get Dark , ánd with the completion of the 144,000 per
the Philadelphia church – because at some point “the master has closed the door”  (25) ;
but the term used is (-agónizomai) as the root of ‘agonize’ , where the context points to 
“having taken a certain inner stand”, not so much to ‘having dóne all kind of things’ (26)  
the promise waiting for you
… we don’t get into the endless discussion about “know them by their fruits” because 
Christ referred here to “these ones THEMSELVES becoming the first-fruits” ;
please consider the following (if you haven’t already read it , buried in this site)       — 
   a realtime experience , two decades ago … laying on bed , suddenly the soul was lifted
   as hovering some ten inches above the body … it was unreal ; she turned her head to
   look at the body below her , and across the half-dark body was written in huge red letters
   ‘unusable’ … – she then looked at her one arm : it slowly changed into a beautiful limb
   seemingly made of sparkling gold dust … then the other arm started , then the thighs …
   – but the most astonishing was when she tried to move her arm : it was moved fór her ;
   very distinct it was moved FOR her … as if the body was a gift … a constant gift , gracious ,
   sparkling , sweet … and Christ’s words “if you say to this mountain..” became clear 
(but the torso did nót change ; at that point the thundering voice of God said ‘mene tekel’ ,
reverberating throughout all that body , casting the soul in the abyss — it wasn’t the time)
… either way
that is what is waiting for you .. and you can simply not be closer to God than this … 
since your own Gorgious belongs to him … if He would smile , or be proud , or kind ,
the warmth of that would stream into you throughout all of that body 
— please don’t forget to plead for the 144 … let’s hope that He will be kind and will act
in the next days
[upd :]
just now , Figtree has a window for these two weeks , if you are interested :