29 july
needing your help please
because this won’t end well
… it’s the soul recognizing His words , right , the soul that is in the heart    —
she can be lonely , oppressed , or even under a Spell but she knows that ‘she is’ ,
and because she knows that she understands that He is another being , where it may
even happen that she is granted a moment to touch .. His sphere , so to speak , right ;
but it is impossible that she is not there anymore
that is technically and spiritually and theologically impossible
yet it happened this weekend 
… what is left is the awareness of the mind (yes the ‘tales of the crypt’ one) which is
very superficial and cannot ‘see’ while it has no contact with Him – and therefore not 
with the many themes that relate to Him , as if He “is of the other camp”, a stranger …
it’s too bizarre to even attempt to phrase but she is not there anymore : it’s impossible
yet it happened , and I don’t know what to do 
it’s not ‘a curse’ or being put under one – she would know … neither the crystalline
(chakra-) light – she would know for she has felt its unlivable harshness : she would
récognize any type attack or trial but it’s none of these for SHE HERSELF is gone …
… and this consciousness – that I’ve to call ‘me’ – sees Him and all the themes merely
as a relic from the past one can have piety for .. it’s insane to say but that’s what it is …
never in a million years I’d have believed that such a (sorry-) state existed … for this
awareness doesn’t understand nor cares about Eden , in fact about nothing … 
and the question is “how long”  —
‘a week’ would be doable IF one knew it would be a few days only … but after this
weekend it’s anyone’s guess ; it may be Atonement or even next year … undoable …
while panic options like “49 days after Weeks” make very little sense
 
thank you for reading … I so so wished it was different … you & we were not insane
in none of the many pretty chapters … it’s still all true – well except for the 40 day
thing that needs review , apparently … but in no way this situation disqualifies the
chapters and contents … we’ve done nothing else as searching our deity .. it’s just
that something went horribly wrong now … 
who knows it’s the other way around : perhaps it’s a shadow of the horror that is to
come soon … in which Jacob will not know anymore ‘that he is a soul’ … perhaps
the fact that you & we knew that we are a soul is because He was giving her His
attention and that is why the soul was aware of herself and therefore searching Him
… not the other way around … and that this superficial sorry state will be the very
consequence of he having withdrawn his spirit in that awful time …
[though still the question remains ‘then where does the soul go’] 
 
it has become too much your Majesty … though it is the awareness that the soul
used that is talking now … it is virtually impossible to ever reach you … having
escaped a hundred snares and a thousand traps only to fall into the sword of this
bizarre situation combined with that cursed ‘date theme’… which obviously but for
some unknown reason belong together … if you only would remember the fight of
all of us to get to you … and just send a miracle … 
a miracle against this impossible insane state … the ‘abomination of desolation’ 
is not some evil antichrist sitting in some temple as Esau’s childish concept which
Jacob runs after … it is this … no soul and no you as the deity of her …