7 august
[do please see the closing]
if you’re bored with the many logs , don’t , for that probably will end soon .
After another fruitless day whiskey is your friend — cursed be tomorrow
when the rising sun will herald another merciless and empty day ;
anyway cursed be this season , the past 52 days since the poor soul that
already was completely broken down got cut up in traces of smoke then
simply ceased to exist – leaving only this cursed 1-dimensional tiny lifeless
consciousness of the mind only understanding the deity as hypothesis 
and others as objects , and that the deity is merely a stronger object as
itself that is capable of injuring her and therefore requires some outward
form of respect : which probably is but a question of time until that notion

Then the first two years : not even realizing the extent of the theme corruptions
because of searching the themes that had shown in the Spells , often with an
exploding brain needing more RAM memory to contain and compose all of the 
clusters of the (hebrew-) roots that covered a certain theme – as hieroglyphs – 
and often blushing when another chapter had been wrongly interpreted … 
These days appear to be the end of that interesting run .
 
for the most important asset – the soul – for recognizing corrupt texts has gone 
and the silly human mind simply is incapable of seeing what can have been
written underneath the outward nonsense , literally as the sealed scroll . 
Second , we no longer have any workable idea concerning ‘our date’ since the
entire structure became context-less after the failing of the 40-49 days concept :
perhaps ‘Atonement’ could be our date yet as one that cannot be supported
by the scroll since the couple of times she appears – or more that got erased – 
is not enough to build any solid date upon ,
evoking the realistic possibility that the Jubilee may only next year 2025 .
 
On the other hand , perhaps the events themselves – like the 52 days now – 
could support that this year IS the Jubilee , and though that would be nice it
doesn’t help the present situation in any way : we still would need to survive
a horrifying 70 days till the next OPTION only , which is more than any
can bear , combined with the past let-downs , and makes the crucifixion
appealing for then at least one day and we’d be done with this hell .
Please ignore your automatic response to that line and ponder it — it is not
said to shock but as genuine impression while what is going on this season
may be of the same order : you being crucified …
 
The first problem ofcourse is ‘how to survive the next 70 days’ 
and the frank answer is : I’ve no fcking clue : continuously drunk is preferable
but not an option for several reasons , while it’s tough with this type superficial
awareness to approach the deity continuingly hiding himself and never giving 
any explanation for what is going on to you & we having tried hard to find him ;
perhaps the only proper answer is “just do survive – no matter how” ,
 
in fact let us make a covenant please (-about that) :
perhaps a standard reflex would be “to plead day and night” and though that
is good even as having become a second nature of your soul , it is not good
to keep her fired up for some unsure Date because eventually she will break
down from the pressure … therefore survive any way you can , yet do check 
back here every once a while since these seasons are so bizarre that things 
could turn around any moment – even it doesn’t appear like that right now ;
the final 144 need you , we here need you ,
no pressure , no weird conditions , nothing of that all , 
just please drag all of us through this awful time just as you are able ,
tell our deity what mess we are in if you feel you have contact with him ,
all the brothers and sisters that will truly be yours
 
with the hope to speak to you again soon , onhere