january 27 [continued:] (Lazarus-) the beggar sitting at the door … ofcourse all our 144 are under enormous pressure these days , with quite a lot suffering physical hardship or mental or emotional , we don’t forget that , and is why you & we worked so hard , right , to get all of us Out … yet this ‘dissolving of the soul’ as the trial theme that started at Weeks last year July and appears to have been ‘finalized’ when this 70th day turned out empty is so .. absurd & unprecedented and to be frank scary that it’s almost fascinating… being a minimal consciousness hardly having access to the own mind , as a person

having been reduced to a superficial haze ; I swear often I wonder what ‘alzheimer’ be like .. 
and if not for remembering our progress the past year(-s) and how we still need to wait but
three months – hopefully – this would be the time to panic … yet the only reason why that
little consciousness does not panic is because she wants nothing else but sit near that
closed door , silently hoping & pleading Him who is the only sure thing when everything in
every other reality falls away , that it be opened soon …  
unprecedented .. there’s no documentation about this situation , nothing to hold on to ,
until today (the alleged ‘parable’-) ‘Lazarus the beggar’ seems an option .. because what
óther original theme can it have been ? it will be a hell of a job in this state but worth
trying the next two days before the silent next month
begging you to not give up pleading for all of us 144
and who knows this state is a .. bizarre indication that our date will be after Passover …